Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Invaision of the mind snatchers

Today's tale of horror is better told by someone else. Click on the link to hear Brian Lilley's thoughts on the pesticide ban.

The one part I found scariest was the Big Brother approach Quebec is now incorporating to make sure homeowners aren't cheating with illegal pesticides.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Canadian horror story

Mr. Johnson and his wife were happy with their new house and the pride of ownership it brought them. They decided one of the first things they were going to do was hire a lawn company to attend to the up-keep of his grass and keep the turf weed-free.

Not knowing where to start he hired a company that he'd heard of before and signed up, paying in advance. Together he and his wife waited anxiously as the spring exhausted winter sure he was in for a long season of healthy green grass.

One day Mr. Johnson returned home from work to find a lawn flag jammed askew on his front lawn and an invoice of work completed in his mailbox. "Spring fertilizer," it said in big bold letters, "no extra care is needed."

He found this odd since the gate to his backyard was locked and no one had phoned from the company, as he had requested, to let him know they were coming. Yet, he told himself, "They're the professionals," and never gave it a second thought.

Four weeks passed and again Mr. Johnson found another sign on his front lawn. This time the lawn said, "Notice," and "Fiesta weed application." Again there was an accompanying invoice and again no phone calls had been made to let him know to unlock the gate.

Mr. Johnson began to feel a little annoyed, but decided to wait to see if the weeds were affected by the application. However, the weeds did not die as he was promised by the company. On the contrary, they seemed to multiply and thrive changing what was once green to a sea of yellow and white.

Mr. Johnson tried to call the company and after repeated attempts to get the right person, was assured someone would be out shortly to respray.

Two weeks passed before Mr. Johnson noticed the "Notice" sign, sticking out of the middle of the lawn this time. Again he found an invoice in the mailbox billing him for the extra application and like previous times no call had been made to unlock the back gate. Although the weeds on the front lawn seemed to turn black and whither the weeds in the backyard were unaffected.

Mr. Johnson in his disgust grabbed a weed puller from his garage and began to hand weed his backyard. As he labored he noticed an old man watching him from the chain link fence.

"Trouble with your lawn?" the old man enquired.
"Trouble with my lawn company!" Mr. Johnson spat.
"I used to have 'em...you know...the same company working my lawn."
"Really?" Mr. Johnson said as he rapidly pulled weeds.
"Yup...and I know your problem."
Mr. Johnson began to slow down and stopped pulling as he leaned on the tool and looked at the old man.
The old man spoke, "You've been seeing ghosts."
"Ghosts?" Mr. Johnson seemed dumbfounded.
"Yup...your lawn looks the way it does 'cause no one has done anything to it...well except you. They've just put their sign on the lawn and left you the invoice."
Mr. Johnson could not contain his rage. He marched into the house, picked up the phone and cancelled his account with the company that very day.

Next spring when winter finally lost its battle to a new season Mr. Johnson came home from work to find a lawn sign on his property and an unpaid invoice in his mailbox.
It was from the very same company he'd fired and told never to come back...and that's when the phone calls finally started!