Wednesday, September 8, 2010

That's one for Mother Nature

Final score: Mother Nature 8 Lawn Companies 4

From the start Mother Nature took control of the game. Working from a mild winter, she scored early with weeds popping the first week in April and with trade talks stalled for all-star weed control Fiesta, the Lawn Company had no choice but try to fend off an early flourish with alternate organic methods.

Core Aeration only seemed to compound the problem by stirring up dormant weed seeds, pulling Broadleaf could not keep up to the invasion and by May, shell-shocked Corn Gluten was pulled from the net down 3-0 as the first period mercifully came to a close.

Early in the second period the visiting Lawn Company struck back as all-star Fiesta finally entered the game and found the net narrowing the score to 3-1. Yet as temperatures increased past 30 degrees, Fiesta was penalized for burning lawns and gross misconduct and eventually benched.

Management- the Harold Ballard-like Provincial Government- began to wonder if they had not made a mistake by trading away the future for this highly touted weed killer, but by this time Mother Nature had already countered with a second weed invasion, unleashing Oxalis, Crabgrass and Chickweed. Soon the Lawn Company was down 6-1 with one period to go. Even Chinch Bug broke through the usually steady defence of Neem Oil wreaking havoc on the Lawn Company goal.

In the third period the Lawn Company watched helplessly as Grubs and Sod Webworm sent the home team up 8-1 before they could get one back with Nematodes.

Even with late goals from Fiesta-back off the bench-and Late Fall Fertilizer with a well deserved assist from Eco-Lawn Over-Seeding to make the score 8-4, the damage had been done. Frustrated and battered the Lawn Company watched as the last seconds of this year's game ticked down and Mother Nature hoisted the coveted trophy high.

Well, there's always next year.

I hear there's a Gretzky-like prospect on the horizon for 2012 called Phoma Macrostoma. Perhaps we'll have to build through the draft?