Welcome to Junuary

With a post title like this, you would think I'm going to rant about the cold and the rain this spring, but I already did that in the last post.

No, today I'm going to discuss something even colder...senseless damage to a neighbour's property.

An explanation is in order. This week we went to perform an application on two customers who live side by side. When we arrived we were informed by one homeowner, immediately following our last application of Fiesta weed control, someone wrote on both our "Notice" signs with a magic marker, in large block letters "#1 BEE AND BIRD KILLER." This person also sprayed Round-up around one customer's front yard tree and garden burning the grass in the process (see picture for reference).

Now, there's a lot to unpack there, so let's break it down.

Fiesta is iron-based weed control, it doesn't kill anything - despite the label touting it as "Lawn Weed Killer" - so killing birds and bees would only occur if you used the empty Fiesta jug to swat those creatures from the air and then squish them beneath your foot. And if that were the case, I would hardly consider it as the number one choice in bird and bee extermination.

Now, if I somehow sprayed Diazanon or DDT, then our little lawn vigilante has a right to express his ire, but those products were outlawed decades ago.

This is not the first time I have run across an extreme left-wing nut sack, but if you are that sensitive to environmental issues you're going to use Round-up as your exclamation point like pouring blood over someone wearing a fur coat. ROUND-UP...really? Glyphosate is a chemical that kills everything on a lawn and it is brought to you by the good folks at Monsanto. If you don't know that company's reputation, maybe you should Google it, Mr. Enviornmentalist.

It's hypocrisy, plain and simple.

The real problem as I see it is, the former Liberal Government who did such a fantastic job brainwashing the sheeple, and incidents like this happen more frequently than you might think.

I wonder how many of these Jizz-wads are even aware  85% of all pesticides are still being used -despite the bylaw - by farmers, sod growers, foresty, the golf industry, and yes, government properties like Parliament Hill and Queen's Park. (I conveniently left out the homeowners who purchase banned substances from the States or other Provinces.) If that doesn't piss you off maybe it should, you righteous dick.

Personally, I believe the person who did this has mental issues and needs to seek help for his miss-placed aggression. In the interim, I advised our customer to buy a surveillance system to catch this piece on anal discharge in the act and press charges as should all who commit vandalism like this. At the very least, they should have a "Notice" sign placed on their lawn to inform the public of  the "#1 ASSHOLE IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD."

Maybe, to some, that seems a little cold, but it is Junuary after all.

All this rain!

Rain, rain and more rain.

You'd think with Mother's Day only a day removed, Mother Nature might cut us a break, and send a little warmth/sun our way, but not so.

Dreary, overcast, drizzle, cold - whatever you want to label is as it doesn't fit into most people's idea of spring.

April showers are to bring May flowers, aren't they? However, this year, April/May rain will only bring weed pain.

And as soon as the weather warms to consistent double digits you will see the massive wave of yellow invading the boulevards, sports fields and home lawns. It is unavoidable, and so is the inevitability all those weeds will germinate, blowing freely like a winter wonderland to find new homes to proliferate.

Sadly, the only options of control remain: Use Weed-B- Gon, hire a professional who will spray Fiesta, or pull the damn things out by the root - the only activity you can do in the rain.

There has also been an unusual amount of moss on all those over-saturated lawns and aerations have been challenging in the muck and mire. And if you've seeded your lawn, it may still be a week or two before you see germination. Yup, this year has been anything but a normal spring.

I don't mean to rain on your parade with all this...we've had enough rain already.

The evergreen service

When you hire a lawn care company it is always a good idea to understand exactly what you are getting when you sign on the dotted. One of the most frequent complaints I hear is the "Evergreen Service," which is a diplomatic way of saying, "until you say stop, we will will continue to service your lawn year after year to infinity.

This is usually found in the small print of the invoice (or contract), listed as: Continuous service for your convenience. And that's OK if it's what you want, but increasingly, I see this tactic has soured more customers than creating happy homeowners who have found it anything but beneficial.

Some companies even use this negative billing as an underhanded way to squeeze every last dime out of a dissatisfied client. I know, because I used to work for one that did exactly that, and then threatened the homeowner with legal action if they didn't pay.

In some instances, customers who have cancelled their service are still getting applications the following spring, and being billed, much to their anger.

So what do you do if you are a victim of negative billing?

1) If you previously cancelled the service- DON'T PAY! This is their mistake, not yours.

2) It is very important you keep all correspondence with the company to back you up; cancellation number, who you spoke to, the day(s) when you cancelled the service etc.

3) Don't be goaded into resigning out of guilt or the promise of free applications. Believe me, they will up-sell you somewhere in the future. If it sounds too good to be true, well...you know the rest.
And if a company is willing to do an application without your authorization in the first place, do you trust their moral compass moving forward?

4) If you still feel your getting harassed over non-payment issues, understand their are other avenues you can explore- Consumer Protection Agency, or Better Business Bureau come to mind.

5) Don't forget websites like Homestars, and leave a scathing review, or an account of your experience for others so they can avoid the same mistakes. If every instance of negative billing was followed by a negative review on a site like this, the practice would come to a screeching halt.

Bullies aren't just on the playground, and sometimes the only way to deal with a bully is to push back.

It's not easy being green

Today I would like to address a concern I hear every year, whataboutism. 

It goes something like this: "What about my neighbour? His lawn is green and my lawn is the colour of straw, yet he does nothing to his and I have a lawn service."

We can break this down to a number of factors that would explain the difference.

1) Your neighbour has southern exposure and since you are across the street from him, your house faces north. Properties that are located on the north side of the street always green-up faster because they receive more direct sunlight as Mother Nature flip-flops between winter and spring.

2) Your lawn has excess thatch build up. Yeah, you didn't prepare your lawn for winter like your neighbour did by cutting it short and now once the snow has cleared, and you have a lot of matted, dead patches of grass. This issue will also impede green-up until the thatch is raked and removed to allow for new growth.

3) Your neighbour used a quick-release fertilizer. I know you said he does nothing to his lawn, but if you were watching him 24/7...well, that would be creepy. Most lawn companies use a slow release fertilizer. This product is much healthier for your lawn, feeds it over a longer period of time and is less likely to invite unwanted insects like grubs or chinch bugs.

4) Your lawn is predominantly Kentucky Blue Grass, his is not. KBG seems to take its sweet damn time greening-up every spring and coaxing it along by dumping more fertilizer on it is not the answer. As we know, insects are attracted to higher levels of nitrogen, and KBG lawns in particular.

5) There is a deeper issue. Other factors that can delay lawn green-up are a soil deficiency. In other words, key micro-nutrients important to your lawn heath might be missing, and only a soil test will be able to expose what's missing. There might be a PH issue where the lawn is too acidic or too alkaline and need a corrective to provide optimum growth potential. There also could be an insect called a Leather Jacket affecting the lawn health, and unfortunately, nature has to run its course as applying nematodes this time of the year is just a waste of money.

Whatever you do, don't ask your neighbour about it. Since he does nothing with his, chances are he won't know any of what I discussed here either.

Spring in your step

It's been a while since we had this conversation...well, any conversation, since the last post was back in July of last year.

But spring is now here and thoughts are turning away from shoveling the white stuff. The focus has shifted to the lawn and garden.

In previous years, I've expressed opinions on everything from  fertilizer ethics to not doing an aeration prior to mid-April and warning Round-Up is not for use on your grass. Nothing has changed there.

In fact, new information and products in the lawn care industry have been sadly lacking and somewhat humdrum making anything I have to say at this time, redundant.

Sure, The Ministry of the Environment is still considering altering the cosmetic pesticide bylaw...slowly, and there are rays of optimism on the distant horizon, but don't expect any changes in 2019.

And sure, one or two lawn companies out there are playing by the rules...finally.

But the truth remains; dealing with weeds and insects are still the main concern --- the products available, unfortunately, remain listed in the "control only" column and not the "absolute kill."

As long as this is the case, keeping your lawn healthy with timely applications, proper cutting and consistent watering remains the best defense. To avoid this regimen will only invite unwanted issues, and have you pulling your hair out by the end of May.

Remember: Mother Nature cranks it up a notch in just over a month from now, and the weeds will explode with vengeance, so you will need to be on top of your lawn problems to maintain your curb appeal.

And if last year's surprise ice storm in April taught us anything, it was, nothing is absolute.

How low can you go...

...or more appropriately; how low should you go?

Given the heat we are experiencing, I would hope no lower than 3 inches when cutting your lawn. In fact, 3 1/2 is preferable.

It amazes me when I see turf scalped to a putting green in extreme conditions like our current summer heat and humidity.

No matter how much you water, you are just asking for problems in the way of insects, weeds, crabgrass and burning from the sun.

For some, leaving grass longer for drought tolerance and overall health looks unsightly and unkempt, but it doesn't have to be that way.

A lawn cut at 3 1/2 inches, to me, looks much better and healthier than one shaved to barely an inch above the soil.

I much prefer a healthy green  (long) lawn than one going dormant and the colour of straw. Generally the higher the grass the less water you will need on a weekly basis.

Ultimately it is a choice of personal preference, but keep in mind; if you aren't going to practice proper cutting techniques under extreme heat conditions, it really doesn't matter what your lawn care provider does. The results will be the same...absolutely nothing.

Making amends

I'm not one to dance on someone's grave, but I must admit there was a fair bit of tap-dancing at the Liberal's crushing defeat in the recent Provincial election.

With a blue majority back in town there is hope, (however small), an amendment to the cosmetic pesticide bylaw might be on the table.

Now, before you swing your arms up in protest, I'm not expecting carte blanche for the lawn care industry. I don't advocate a return to the days where everyone and their mother had access to 2-4-D.
I do however, expect equality where the lawn care industry is given exemption under the bylaw and  to be included with the likes of the farmers, the golf industry, sod growers and forestry who already benefit from exemption status.

I would love to be able to offer my customers absolutes and guarantees again and put an end to the creeping weeds that now dominate the home landscape.

In fact, why not make it so only licenced professionals are allowed to apply the products. This would assure an army of students, with one day of training, wouldn't be spraying your lawn.

And if it means I have to fill out an annual report on my usage and operate under IPM protocols only, I am happy to do so. These are concessions I am willing to make.

We are talking a less than 4% increase in pesticides already in use to save a struggling industry, perhaps a decrease in health related incidents from allergies and I can stop watching Fiesta and its iron-base weed control eat my equipment from the inside out.

Maybe I'm dreaming, like when you buy a lottery ticket and think of what might be, but for now, it's a possibility that makes me smile and dream on.